A Sizable Cultural Difference
In February, our friend’s’ dad was visiting from Michigan. He is a rather large man and attracted more than the usual attention a foreigner can expect around Jinan. One morning, we went out to brunch at a nice hotel. A woman at a nearby table watched us. Despite our 'Okay, yep. That’ll do' glances in her direction, she continued to stare. Midway through our brunch, she walked over to our table, looked at Michigan and said, “I can help you”. She handed him a leaflet with before and after photos of people who had shed a considerable amount of weight. The woman lingered for a moment smiling at Michigan. He put his hand up and waved her away with a “No thanks, I am only visiting.” I wanted to reach up and sock her.
Recently I attended a culinary contest with a larger foreign teacher from Tennessee. Tennessee reached out to shake the hand of a Chinese chef. Chef shook Tennessee’s hand with his right, and reached for a handful of Tennessee’s midsection with his left. Chef nodded and smiled wide eyed. “Yes, I’m fat. I know.” Tennessee sighed in a manner that suggested to me this was not a new experience.
A few weeks ago, I had dinner with Bonnie from the Jinan TV station and a student. As dinner was winding down, Bonnie reached out with her chopsticks to pluck some sliced pork off a dish. “Make sure to keep fit,” said my male student who was watching her.
My eyes bulged, What?!?
Bonnie nodded and then turned to me, “If a woman is overweight, but she is beautiful, what word can you use to describe her?”
“Uhh, ‘beautiful’.”
Bonnie laughed at this, “Chubby?”
“Nooo… just ‘beautiful’.”
She still looked disbelieving. Finally, I offered up ‘curvy’, but tried to explain that we wouldn’t necessarily choose an altogether separate adjective in this case.
My students’ favorite adjective is ‘beautiful’.
Your bike is so beautiful. Do you think this restaurant is beautiful? I like your camera; it’s beautiful.
I told them that, in America, "beautiful" was reserved for someone or something truly breath-taking and they were shocked.
Is that right? Don’t we usually use “great”, or “pretty”, or “nice”? I associate "beautiful" with exotic models, or girls headed off to senior prom.
I told my class the story of Michigan and going out to brunch. I explained that even though it was clear this Chinese woman was sincere in her offer to help, that kind of thing would never fly in America. If you approached someone who was trying to enjoy a meal with a line like "I can help you", you’d be asking for a knuckle sandwich. Again, they were surprised.
“We are very sensitive about our weight in America and unless you are well acquainted with someone, it is extremely rude to comment on his or her size. And even if you are well acquainted, it’s a very delicate subject.”
This year I've heard my students make a number of remarks about each other’s weight that we would never tolerate. It has gotten me to wondering if one way is better than the other. To ignore and avoid as we do in the West? Or to open up the subject for comments and discussion as is done here in China?
Could this difference be a contributing factor into why we are curvier than the Chinese?
I would be very interested to hear what you think. (Comments!!)
This class discussion led into one about offensive words pertaining to people with disabilities. Jinan is the largest city I have ever lived in, perhaps even visited, and yet it is extremely rare to see someone who is disabled here. Wheelchair accessibility is virtually non-existent. At a university of 40,000, none of my students knew of a student who used a wheelchair. They very frankly told me that those with any kind of disability go to different schools, and don’t go to universities at all. They said people with disabilities “just stay home.” I tried to hide the shock on my face.
It was the matter-of-factness with which they spoke that disturbed me a little. Of course, what they say might not be the whole story.
I think it would be interesting to meet a radical and outspoken Chinese. Someone who is outraged, and unwilling to comply! Like one of those 4 million “protesty” Kiwis!
Recently I attended a culinary contest with a larger foreign teacher from Tennessee. Tennessee reached out to shake the hand of a Chinese chef. Chef shook Tennessee’s hand with his right, and reached for a handful of Tennessee’s midsection with his left. Chef nodded and smiled wide eyed. “Yes, I’m fat. I know.” Tennessee sighed in a manner that suggested to me this was not a new experience.
A few weeks ago, I had dinner with Bonnie from the Jinan TV station and a student. As dinner was winding down, Bonnie reached out with her chopsticks to pluck some sliced pork off a dish. “Make sure to keep fit,” said my male student who was watching her.
My eyes bulged, What?!?
Bonnie nodded and then turned to me, “If a woman is overweight, but she is beautiful, what word can you use to describe her?”
“Uhh, ‘beautiful’.”
Bonnie laughed at this, “Chubby?”
“Nooo… just ‘beautiful’.”
She still looked disbelieving. Finally, I offered up ‘curvy’, but tried to explain that we wouldn’t necessarily choose an altogether separate adjective in this case.
My students’ favorite adjective is ‘beautiful’.
Your bike is so beautiful. Do you think this restaurant is beautiful? I like your camera; it’s beautiful.
I told them that, in America, "beautiful" was reserved for someone or something truly breath-taking and they were shocked.
Is that right? Don’t we usually use “great”, or “pretty”, or “nice”? I associate "beautiful" with exotic models, or girls headed off to senior prom.
I told my class the story of Michigan and going out to brunch. I explained that even though it was clear this Chinese woman was sincere in her offer to help, that kind of thing would never fly in America. If you approached someone who was trying to enjoy a meal with a line like "I can help you", you’d be asking for a knuckle sandwich. Again, they were surprised.
“We are very sensitive about our weight in America and unless you are well acquainted with someone, it is extremely rude to comment on his or her size. And even if you are well acquainted, it’s a very delicate subject.”
This year I've heard my students make a number of remarks about each other’s weight that we would never tolerate. It has gotten me to wondering if one way is better than the other. To ignore and avoid as we do in the West? Or to open up the subject for comments and discussion as is done here in China?
Could this difference be a contributing factor into why we are curvier than the Chinese?
I would be very interested to hear what you think. (Comments!!)
This class discussion led into one about offensive words pertaining to people with disabilities. Jinan is the largest city I have ever lived in, perhaps even visited, and yet it is extremely rare to see someone who is disabled here. Wheelchair accessibility is virtually non-existent. At a university of 40,000, none of my students knew of a student who used a wheelchair. They very frankly told me that those with any kind of disability go to different schools, and don’t go to universities at all. They said people with disabilities “just stay home.” I tried to hide the shock on my face.
It was the matter-of-factness with which they spoke that disturbed me a little. Of course, what they say might not be the whole story.
I think it would be interesting to meet a radical and outspoken Chinese. Someone who is outraged, and unwilling to comply! Like one of those 4 million “protesty” Kiwis!
posted by B | 11:08 PM
2 Comments:
New Zealand certainly has its fair bloody share! I think that is a very interesting topic on the weight thing. It's hard to say cause we are Westerners and it does seem so shocking but I think I would err on China's side on this one. With most problems they do say by talking about something you are already half way to fixing it. But then again, maybe you don't want to talk about it with just joe Blogs on the street. Maybe the social pressure in China not to get fat, and the openness on commenting on others, does relate to their lack of obesity. Who knows..if it does, I'm sure its only a tiny part of the story.
Are you coming home for good or just to visit? Josh's Dad pointed me to this blog and I'm addicted. I eat lunch at my desk and read about your life in China at least once a week. I feel like we're old friends even though you have no idea who I am. What will I do?
I agree with anonymous - silence is probably part of the Western Fat Problem... but honestly, given our culture, and our sedantary lifestyle, and the HUGE portions, changeing the vocal thing... just seems rude.
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