Wherever you go, there you are
With my new pastime of jogging on the treadmill, I have found myself with some hours of headspace to fill. I spend a lot of the time staring forward into the mirror at my face, marveling at how much I look like both my Mom and my Dad even though the two of them don’t look alike at all. How does that work? From certain angles, I am the very image of my Aunt Maribeth, and from others you’d think Jake and I could be twins. Cool.
I might also spend some moments calculating how many more minutes (according the calorie count on the treadmill) I would have to run to cancel out the three Oreo cookies I enjoyed earlier, okay seven Oreos.
But lately, I have been trying to force myself to have deep thoughts (cue scary music) about my future. Because that’s what one does when winter approaches and another year is coming to a close. I think about where I will go after China. I wonder about how long I should stay in China. I think about other countries that I would like to spend time in after China and also about how nice returning home will be. And then there is New Zealand…sigh, whatever happened to my big plans to move to become a permanent Kiwi?
And then there is the voice in my head that tells me I am cheating. My sources tell me that most of your young life is supposed to be about preparation. Advanced degrees should ensure a well paying job…a well paying job leads to a secure retirement. And then I imagine you get to exhale and enjoy the twilight years.
So, what happens if one doesn’t prepare thoroughly for the future? Because even though the notion of living for the day is romantic, is it a good idea? Welcome to the debate in my brain. You see life in China is pretty comfortable. The pay is more than enough…to live in China, and for heaven’s sakes they call us foreign “experts” here. The voice tells me that this isn’t the real world because I have not really done what it takes to earn a well paying job yet, and especially not earned the title “expert”… in anything. So my sweat turns a little cold for fear of survival in the real world when the time for re-entry comes. I think of where I will go next, perhaps I should choose a place that my future will thank me for (i.e. graduate school). That or I will find a host family on the Mediterranean who needs someone with a general knowledge of Spanish to take their children on outings to the beach and the zoo (Andy, have I mentioned how jealous I am of you?).
I might also spend some moments calculating how many more minutes (according the calorie count on the treadmill) I would have to run to cancel out the three Oreo cookies I enjoyed earlier, okay seven Oreos.
But lately, I have been trying to force myself to have deep thoughts (cue scary music) about my future. Because that’s what one does when winter approaches and another year is coming to a close. I think about where I will go after China. I wonder about how long I should stay in China. I think about other countries that I would like to spend time in after China and also about how nice returning home will be. And then there is New Zealand…sigh, whatever happened to my big plans to move to become a permanent Kiwi?
And then there is the voice in my head that tells me I am cheating. My sources tell me that most of your young life is supposed to be about preparation. Advanced degrees should ensure a well paying job…a well paying job leads to a secure retirement. And then I imagine you get to exhale and enjoy the twilight years.
So, what happens if one doesn’t prepare thoroughly for the future? Because even though the notion of living for the day is romantic, is it a good idea? Welcome to the debate in my brain. You see life in China is pretty comfortable. The pay is more than enough…to live in China, and for heaven’s sakes they call us foreign “experts” here. The voice tells me that this isn’t the real world because I have not really done what it takes to earn a well paying job yet, and especially not earned the title “expert”… in anything. So my sweat turns a little cold for fear of survival in the real world when the time for re-entry comes. I think of where I will go next, perhaps I should choose a place that my future will thank me for (i.e. graduate school). That or I will find a host family on the Mediterranean who needs someone with a general knowledge of Spanish to take their children on outings to the beach and the zoo (Andy, have I mentioned how jealous I am of you?).
posted by B | 3:10 AM
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